Survivor Story

Survivor Story

By. S. Rudd

I don’t think you are a survivor just because you eat roaches in the dessert while 50 cameras are following and recording your  experience. Survival to me, is enduring the test, trials, and even ordained pain that allows you to believe that death would be better than life, yet by the Grace of God you survive. Tanisha Carter is a qualiefied survivor ( No labels, just truth). Her determination and perserverence after surviving a fatal fire, yet having the evidience of it’s wrath following her daily makes her the not only the epidemy of Raw Beauty, but the makings of a true LEGEND. Join LEGENDARY MAGAZINE as we highlight the journey of a women who has only just begun.

LM: Who are you?

At the age of 29, I am just beginning to truly find the answers. I am a survivor, which is true, but I prefer not to live with being labeled. We all have survived and are surviving something; it is a part of the human experience to struggle and to suffer. Surviving is something that you do, not necessarily what you are. When we attach prefixes to someone, it therefore creates subliminal instructions for the ways in which we are to treat that person, interact with that person. I am someone who has been burned, and abused; however, my tragedies are not the backdrop of my life, they are the blessings that have enabled me to understand and how to navigate the path in search of true self.  They are what have built my character; if it were not for my sufferings, I would not have had the courage to truly know all that God has bestowed in me. The traumas that I faced are unique armors that God chose me to wear, he saw fit for me to wear such heavy attire because only a chosen few are blessed to fight his battles and bring victory to him. Who am I?  I am more than a conqueror.   

LM: Tell us about your journey of understanding Raw Beauty?

Beauty is supposedly skin deep, however the way a person is valued and judged usually never passes the surface.

I survived at the age of 6 months, a horrific inferno that claimed the life of my then, three year old sister, but spared my older brother’s and mine.  As an infant it was God’s grace that saved me, with the extent of my injuries, no infant should have survived what I had. It was at this pivotal time of my early existence, that the enemy vehemently tried to take my life twice. As doctors tried frantically to resuscitate my scorched, lifeless body, they soon lost all hope, this was evident as they tried to convince my mother to sign consent forms to terminate my life. It was then that my mother said she heard the voice of God speak to her, telling her that he would lend her the strength that she needed to carry me. I sustained third, fourth and fifth degree burns over 89% percent of my body, resulting in the disfigurement of my face and the amputation of all five fingers on my left hand. During the convalescent years, which spanned over most of my childhood, I underwent over 50 plastic, reconstructive and skin graphing surgeries. I remember vividly the surgeon who gave me the face that I so proudly wear today, a gift before leaving this earth shortly thereafter. God favored me. 

As a young adolescent, I struggled with the same insincerities as any young girl does; fitting in, boys, I hated who I was and what I looked like. A defining moment in my life was over hearing a boy tell my best friend at the time, that she would always get by in life because she was so beautiful. I mentally internalized what he said and developed a huge inferiority complex while in the presence of any attractive female. I became obsessed with looking at every girl who passed my way, critically judging myself against them, destroying myself in the process. I hated the image that stared back at me in the mirror, I began ducking and dodging them. I would hold my head down while in public, never looking anyone directly in the eye; I was hyper vigilant, and defensive at the slightest glances, or the most innocent comment. I felt so alone, and fearful of disclosing my pain to my mother because I knew that she carried so much guilt and shame. Instead I projected the guilt and shame onto myself, verbally abusing myself, putting myself down, and criticizing everything about myself.

Eventually, through the isolation and silence in my life, I developed an intimate relationship with God. When people made fun of me, I cried to Him, when no one would talk to me, He was my friend, when people constantly rejected me, I always knew that God accepted me. When I was frustrated, angry and felt self-pity, God understood, and allowed me my time. I cried quietly within myself night and day, asking God why me? It was through the pain that I had to confront myself, my fears, and my insecurities. I felt so alone in my life, I felt every woman who wasn’t burned was better than me because they had their looks, and they could get ahead in life without worries and would never have to worry about being alone.

It was important for me to know how loved and admired I am by God, because no other person could ever instill that self-confidence in me. Aside from my family, no one knows what I had to endure and how far I have come. What helped me to maintain confidence,  and embrace what I call my beautiful tragedy is how I made it out from the intensive care burn unit, clinking to life, to becoming a successful graduate of college,  a mother, motivational speaker, and example of God’s mercy. I can say today that I love what I see when I look in the mirror; I stop to admire the tapestry of scars that cover my body.  I have always seen myself as an extraordinary person and have learned to live my life according to the invaluableness that is in agreement with God’s perception of me. I am who God says I am! I shamelessly show my scars, because they are a part of who I am! To be ashamed of who I am and what I have been through is to be ashamed of God and His purpose for sparing my life. All that matters is what I know to be true about who I am.

I am currently completing a Master’s Degree in Clinical and Counseling Psychology at Chestnut Hill College. My purpose is to help others learn to become resilient over any circumstance, and to find the essence of who they are. My dream would be that the idealism of beauty includes the depictions of real woman who have experienced real issues, and whose scars confidently show the real meaning of strength, inspiration, esteem, and courage.   

LM: ANY FINAL WORDS FOR OUR READERS?

Choose now to become the extraordinary woman that God has intended you to be, have the courage to find the path to happiness, fulfillment, peace, and understanding within yourself. In order for anyone to show you true love, you must first show it to yourself. The people we attract say so much about what we think of ourselves; therefore someone can only do unto you what you allow them to. You are a woman perfectly made in God’s Image, today is the time to embrace and get to know the true you!